Leading with Trust

You Matter – The Truth About Your Purpose and Value

You MatterYou matter.

I wish I had said that to my friend John when I saw him last. It was a chance encounter at a neighborhood gas station. We chatted about random, everyday stuff and then we drove away, sure to see each other soon. Soon never came.

A few weeks later John committed suicide.

You matter.

This past Friday my company held its annual meeting and we had a guest speaker, Matthew Emerzian, share about the life experiences that lead him to write a book, Every Monday Matters—52 Ways to Make a Difference. Matt talked about the significance of helping people understand that they matter and the impact that realization has had on his own life and the lives of many others. It’s a message my friend John needed to hear. It’s a message I needed to hear. It’s a message you need to hear.

You matter.

You are one of a kind! In this world of nearly 7 billion people there is no one exactly like you and that makes you a precious, rare jewel. You owe it to the world to share your uniqueness with those around you. We don’t want to miss out on your brilliance.

You matter.

Life isn’t about you. Until you understand that true joy and fulfillment comes from placing the needs of others ahead of your own, you will fail to grasp how much you matter. Serving yourself may lead to quick success but it will eventually leave you unfulfilled. Serving others leads to lifelong significance.

You matter.

You are not alone. There are times when everyone doubts their self-worth, but the good news is that if you seek them out, you’ll find many people who are willing to come along side you to provide mentoring and coaching.

You matter.

“Why?” is the wrong question. Whenever we face a challenge in life our first instinct is to ask, “Why?” “Why did this have to happen?” “Why me?” Obsessing on “why?” can paralyze and prevent you from realizing how much you matter. Instead of dwelling on the “why” of your circumstances, focus on the “what.” “What can I learn?” “What do I need to do to grow from this experience?”

You matter.

Share your story. An excellent way of serving others and discovering how much you matter is to share your story—the challenges you’ve faced, the struggles you’ve conquered, the mountain tops you’ve climbed as well as the valleys you’ve traversed. You’ll be amazed at how many people have experienced similar life situations and the strength and support that results from the bonds you create.

You matter.

Seven Gifts for Every Leader This Christmas

Gift BoxSanta is making his list and checking it twice. He’s going to find out which leaders have been naughty or nice. Actually, I think any person willing to step into a position of leading and managing others deserves whatever he/she wants for Christmas! (Try selling that to your spouse or significant other and see how far it gets you!)

If I were to play Santa at the office Christmas party, I’d give the following gifts to leaders:

1. A Sense of Humor – I’ve noticed that a lot of leaders have forgotten how to have a good time at work. Managing people can be quite stressful and it’s easy to get focused on all the problems that have to be solved and the fires that need putting out. This Christmas I would give every leader a healthy dose of fun and laughter as a reminder that you should take your work seriously but yourself lightly. Play a practical joke on your staff, send a funny joke via email, or even better, laugh at yourself the next time you goof up in front of your team. You’d be amazed how a little bit of levity can go a long way toward improving the morale and productivity at work.

2. The Chance to Catch Someone Doing Something Right – Too often we’re on the lookout for people making mistakes and overlook all the times that people are doing things right. Of the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with over the years, not once have I had one say “If my boss praises me one more time I’m going to quit! I’m sick and tired of all the positive feedback I’m getting!” Unfortunately the opposite is true. Most workers can recall many more instances where their mistakes have been pointed out rather than being praised for doing good work. Be on the lookout this holiday season for someone doing something right and spread a little cheer by praising them.

3. An Opportunity to Apologize – Despite our best leadership efforts, there are bound to be times where we make mistakes and let people down. One of the surefire ways to lose trust with people is failing to admit your mistakes or not apologize for a wrong you’ve committed. Take some time this holiday season to examine your relationships to see if there is someone to whom you need to apologize. If so, don’t let the opportunity pass to repair your relationship.

4. A Challenge to Overcome – A challenge to overcome? Why would that be considered a gift? Well, my experience has shown that the times I’ve grown the most as a leader is when I’ve had to deal with a significant challenge that stretched my leadership capabilities and forced me to grow out of my comfort zone. I would bet dollars to donuts (and would be happy losing because I LOVE donuts) that your experience is similar. Challenges are learning opportunities in disguise and it’s these occasions that shape us as leaders.

5. Solitude – Everything in our society works against leaders being able to experience regular solitude in their lives. Technology allows us to always be connected to work which is just one click or touch away. If we aren’t careful it can begin to feel like we’re “on” 24/7. Regular times of solitude helps you recalibrate your purpose, relieve stress, and keep focused on the things that are most important in your life and work.

6. A Promise to Fulfill – Keeping a promise is an opportunity to demonstrate your trustworthiness. The best leaders are trust builders, people who are conscious that every interaction with their employees is an opportunity to nurture trust. This gift comes with a caveat – don’t make a promise that you can’t or don’t intend to keep. Breaking promises is a huge trust buster, and if done repeatedly, can completely destroy trust in a relationship.

7. Appreciation – Leadership is a noble and rewarding profession, yet leaders can go through long stretches of time without hearing a word of thanks or appreciation for their efforts. I would give every leader the gift of having at least one encounter with an employee who shares how much he/she has been positively impacted by the leader and how much the leader is appreciated by his/her team.

There are many more gifts that I’d love to give, but like most of us, I’m on a budget this year. However, I’m curious to know what other gifts you’d give to leaders if you were playing Santa. Feel free to leave a comment with your gift ideas!

ONE B1G THING by Phil Cooke

Have you discovered what you were born to do? Do you believe that you have a unique destiny that you were put on Earth to fulfill? In his latest book, One Big Thing – Discovering What You Were Born to Do, Phil Cooke offers numerous insights and encouragements on how you can stop being average at so many things in your life and start becoming extraordinary at one big thing.

Cooke suggests that discovering your one big thing comes at the intersection of two questions: (1) What am I supposed to do with my life?, and (2) In a hyper-competitive, cluttered, and distracted world, how do I get noticed?

To help you discover what you’re supposed to do with your life, Cooke encourages you to engage in an honest self-evaluation by answering these four questions:

  1. What comes easy for you? We often discount our natural strengths when looking for our one big thing, when many times our greatest skills and passions are right under our own nose.
  2. What do you love? You’re probably familiar with the old saying, “Find a job you love to do and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Cooke subscribes to the same line of thinking and encourages you to determine what you’re passionate about doing and then find a way to get someone to pay you to do it.
  3. What drives you crazy? This could be something that’s broken that you want to fix, something that’s working that you want to improve, or it could be something that breaks your heart and compels you to action. Sometimes the things that make us the most crazy is also what ignites our passions.
  4. What do you want to leave behind? All of us will leave a legacy. The question is, what kind of legacy will you leave? How do you want to be remembered? Answering this question can help you determine the answer of how you want to live your life.

Once discovering your life’s purpose, Cooke believes you have to distinguish yourself from the crowd in order to get noticed. Not surprisingly, given his expertise in media production and branding, Cooke advocates that living your one big thing is your personal brand. He makes a solid case for having an authentic personal brand when he says, “Too many people think that developing or influencing their own brand is about becoming something they aren’t, when it’s really about discovering what they truly are.” Keeping in line with his belief in the value of self-awareness, Cooke writes, “Ultimately, a significant part of being different is being honest about who you are and how you’re perceived.”

I don’t think Cooke breaks any significant new ground in the One Big Thing, but I think he offers wise counsel and helpful guidance for seekers on the journey of discovering their life’s purpose, particularly the four questions listed above. My biggest take-away from the book was the affirmation that for the vast majority of us, discovering our one big thing is a life-long journey that usually finds its fulfillment in living our lives in authentic harmony with our most important and treasured values.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
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