Leading with Trust

Bears QB Jay Cutler on Body Language – A primer for leaders on what NOT to do

This past Thursday night my wife and I watched the Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers football game. At one point in the game, Jay Cutler, quarterback for the Bears, was shown on the sidelines striking a pose similar to the one on the right. I made a comment to my wife about Cutler having the worst body language of any player in the NFL, and the more I thought about it in the context of trust and leadership, the more I was reminded of the power of our body language to either build or erode trust in relationships.

Even from his days playing college ball at Vanderbilt, Jay Cutler has caught flak for the negative vibes he puts off because of his mannerisms and facial expressions. Although he’s heard the feedback, either he’s had difficulty modifying his behavior or he simply doesn’t care to change. Either way, Cutler’s example provides an excellent case study for leaders on what NOT to do when it comes to communicating through body language.

Don’t let your body language…

♦ Say “I’d rather be anywhere else except here” – The faraway look in your eyes, frowning, restlessness, or checking your watch and phone are all classic signals that tell your colleagues that you’d rather be anywhere else except with them. It’s easy for leaders to get preoccupied about pressing deadlines or situations, but it’s important to stay present in conversations and communicate your interest by leaning forward, paraphrasing what you’ve heard, and making steady eye contact.

♦ Imply that you’re blaming others and refusing to take ownership of your own performance – Literally throwing your arms up in exasperation over someone’s mistake or reacting indignantly in an effort to cast the blame of your mistake to someone else are surefire ways to erode trust. People don’t like to be “thrown under the bus,” so the next time you get ready to point your finger at someone, remember that you have four fingers pointing back at you.

♦ Show that defeat and discouragement has gotten the best of you – Leaders will undoubtedly face times of struggle and loss. The true character of a leader isn’t revealed during the good times when the team is winning, but in the bad times when the losing streak occurs. Keep your head held high, shoulders back, and walk with a purposeful stride. Your team will gather strength and confidence from your behavior and follow suit.

♦ Communicate smugness and indifference toward people – That little “know it all” smirk that forms on your face, which seems to come particularly easy for leaders with large egos, is a death knell for high-trust relationships. Most people can tolerate a sense of arrogance from someone if they’re able to back it up with performance results, but demonstrating a lack of respect for others by rolling your eyes, smirking, or folding your arms in disgust or impatience turns people away from you forever.

From the moment of a first impression to the repeated behavior of ongoing interactions, the way you communicate with your body language plays a critical role in building trust. Don’t unintentionally erode trust by letting your body language communicate things you don’t mean. It’s awful easy to develop a bad reputation and it’s extremely hard to turn it around. Just ask Jay Cutler.

 13 Comments

 Posted on September 16, 2012 by

 Believability, Body Language, Communication, Connectedness, Emotions, Leadership, Sports, Trust

Navy SEALs, Fame and the Lure of Narcissism – A Cautionary Tale for Leaders

The publication this week of No Easy Day, a book written by former Navy SEAL Matt Bissonnette (using the pseudonym Mark Owen) detailing his involvement in the killing of Osama bin Laden, offers a cautionary tale for leaders everywhere. How do you deal with cultivating and enforcing your organization’s culture when it clashes with the values of your team members and the evolving behavioral norms of society at large?

The Navy SEALs, along with the other special operation forces of the military, have a long and storied culture of humility, honor, and selflessness. The mantra of their profession has always been “we don’t talk about what we do,” yet that philosophy has come in direct conflict with the desires and decisions of current and former SEALs to cash in on their experiences and expertise.

“We do NOT advertise the nature of our work, NOR do we seek recognition for our actions,” said Rear Adm. Sean Pybus, in an email message to his 2,500 soldiers this week. He said he was “disappointed, embarrassed and concerned” that troops are now openly speaking and writing about what they do.

“Most of us have always thought that the privilege of working with some of our nation’s toughest warriors on challenging missions would be enough to be proud of, with no further compensation or celebrity required. Today, we find former SEALs headlining positions in a presidential campaign; hawking details about a mission against Enemy Number 1; and generally selling other aspects of NSW training and operations. For an Elite Force that should be humble and disciplined for life, we are certainly not appearing to be so. We owe our chain of command much better than this.”

Pybus’ comments seem somewhat hypocritical given the fact that active duty SEALs were given approval to appear in the recent movie Act of Valor, former SEALs and special operatives appeared in the TV show Stars Earn Stripes, the Pentagon and CIA have provided support for an upcoming movie about the bin Laden raid, Zero Dark Thirty,  and SEALs are working on two other movies currently in production.

In their book, The Mirror Effect – How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America, doctors Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young studied the narcissistic behaviors of American celebrities and their effects on society at large. They suggest that the explosion of reality TV shows, tabloid journalism, instantaneous news via the internet, gossip websites, personal blogs, and social networks are all changing our perceptions of what’s “normal” and facilitating the mirroring of these behaviors in our lives, particularly among the young.

This is the very cultural clash facing the SEALs. In a CNN.com story on this subject, a recently retired senior SEAL said, “It’s a generational thing that is happening to some extent. Some younger SEALs who have grown up in the age of the Internet and instant online communications simply feel it’s their right to talk about their work, as long as they can claim it’s not classified.”

There are no easy answers to this dilemma. In fact, if we as leaders are honest with ourselves, we would be the first to admit that we have our own battles with narcissism. A Ohio State University study found that people who score high in narcissism tend to take control of leaderless groups – it’s in our nature. But because it’s in our nature doesn’t mean that it has to control us.

In dealing with this challenge I’m reminded of the old Native American story about the battle of two wolves inside each of us. One wolf is Evil and it is anger, jealousy, pride, ego, and greed. The other wolf is Good and it is love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, selflessness, and compassion. Which wolf wins? The one you choose to feed.

 4 Comments

 Posted on September 9, 2012 by

 Authenticity, Culture, Ego, Ethics, Greed, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Narcissism, Values

Three Priorities for Leaders Now That Summer is Over

Labor Day traditionally marks the end of summer in the United States. Family vacations, picnics, and days at the beach give way to kids returning to school, cheering on your favorite football teams, and settling into the rhythms of the fall season. Depending on what business you’re in, the summer may have been a slow time that allowed you to disengage from work for a while and recharge your batteries. For some organizations, summer is the busiest time of year and you may be eagerly awaiting the fall season so that you can catch your breath. Regardless, heading into the autumn months is an excellent time for leaders to focus on three key priorities that will help them finish the year strong.

1. Review your team’s progress YTD and clarify your focus for the remainder of the year. When is the last time you looked at your strategic plan for the year? (You do have a plan, don’t you?!) If you haven’t reviewed it lately, now is a good time. With four months left in the year you still have time to make an impact. Over the summer it’s easy to lose track of your key priorities. The exuberance of the new year drifted into the promise of spring which eventually evolved into the dog days of summer and you find that you haven’t accomplished quite as much by this time as you had hoped for. Use this time to reevaluate your plan for the remainder of the year and put your energies and resources into the goals that will help improve your business today as well as set you up for a strong start for the next year.

2. Bring your team together to reconnect, reenergize, and refocus. Over the summer it’s common for your team to start to feel disconnected. People are in and out for vacations, team members are backing each other up, and it can seem like the “normal” routine of business gets thrown out the window. This is a great time of year to focus on team building. People have returned from vacation and are ready to settle into the familiar routine that the fall season brings, so take advantage of the change in seasons to hold a team lunch, have a potluck or cookout, and allow people to reconnect. It’s also the perfect opportunity for you to share with your team the top priorities for the rest of the year so that everyone is singing from the same song sheet.

3. Get back in the routine. Routines can provide security, stability, and efficiency…if they’re good ones! Some routines are just old habits that are a waste of time, so those are the ones you want to ditch and you want to focus on the ones that will help you achieve your goals for the year. Routines help your team know what to expect from you as a leader and what you expect of them as team members. Use this time to evaluate the routines you have in your organization and intentionally leverage the good ones to get your team focused on the key goals and priorities.

Each season of the year has its own vibe and autumn is one where we turn our attention to getting back to work and finishing the year strong. Set yourself up for a successful end of the year by reviewing your team’s progress, clarifying your goals for Q4, nurturing team relationships, and providing the structure and routine your team needs to finish strong.

 6 Comments

 Posted on September 2, 2012 by

 Goal Setting, Leadership, Morale, Teamwork

Five Leadership Lessons From The Life of Neil Armstrong

Yesterday we lost a true American hero. Former astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, passed away at the age of 82. Armstrong’s life story read like pages from an adventure novel: earned his pilot license at age 15, flew 78 missions in the Korean War as a Navy fighter pilot, test piloted experimental rocket planes that flew to the edge of space at altitudes of over 200,000 feet, and commanded the Apollo 11 space mission and became the first man to walk on the moon.

Despite his many accomplishments, Neil Armstrong was a humble, private man who didn’t seek to turn his achievements into fortune and fame. After retiring from NASA in 1971, Armstrong taught engineering at Purdue University and served on the boards of several businesses. His reserved, low-key approach to leading his life is strikingly at odds with today’s “look at me” reality TV infused culture. In An Audience with Neil Armstrong, the famous astronaut discusses his life and the experience of traveling to the moon. The interview is a treasure-trove of leadership wisdom, but there were five lessons that struck me as important for leaders of all generations.

1. Humility – Virtually every written account of Armstrong’s life, as well as descriptions from those who knew him best, describe him as a man of extreme humility. He resisted bringing attention to himself and always viewed his accomplishments as simply the result of “doing his job.” Humility is a key characteristic of Jim Collins’ profile of successful Level 5 leaders and it is a key component to establishing high-trust relationships. It’s hard to trust the intentions of self-absorbed leaders whereas humble leaders create an environment and culture that breeds openness and trust.

2. Recognize and value the contributions of others – Armstrong readily acknowledged the invaluable contributions of the Apollo 1-10 missions as laying the building blocks for his crew’s moon landing. Each Apollo mission had specific goals that were milestones to the ultimate mission of landing on the moon. Armstrong’s Apollo 11 crew got the nod for the moon landing and he recognized that his efforts were just the next link in the entire chain of the Apollo space program. Today’s leaders would be wise to honor and respect those who have laid the groundwork ahead of them and not act like the success they’re enjoying today is solely a result of their efforts.

3. Stay vigilant because problems occur when you least expect them – On the descent to the moon, the Lunar Module’s navigation system was targeting a landing spot that would be on the edge of a slight hill. Armstrong had to take manual control of the spacecraft for the last 2 minutes and fly it to a safe landing site. Successful leaders are always scanning the environment so they can react to changing conditions. Flying on auto-pilot is best when conditions are stable, but in today’s world where daily change is the norm, using auto-pilot for too long can have disastrous consequences.

4. The power of focus – Shortly after stepping onto the surface of the moon, Armstrong and fellow astronaut Buzz Aldrin placed a memorial on the lunar surface honoring the deceased astronauts, both Russian and American, who had preceded them in attempts to reach the moon. Armstrong describes it as being a tender moment, yet a very quick one because there was a checklist of many tasks awaiting their attention. Armstrong took a focused, methodical approach to his work that shows the power of concentrated attention. It’s easy for leaders to have their focused diffused among all the demands competing for their attention, yet the most successful leaders have learned to block out the distractions and focus on those activities that produce the most results.

5. Never let a good problem go to waste – The Apollo 1 crew suffered a terrible tragedy in 1967 when during a pre-flight test a cabin fire in the control module killed the crew of Gus Grissom, Edward White, and Roger Chafee. The Apollo space flights were put on nearly a two-year hold while the accident was investigated. NASA only had four years to fulfill President Kennedy’s challenge to reach the moon by the end of the decade, but rather than letting the delay prevent them from achieving their goal, they used those two years to refine the design of the control module and to keep training for the moon landing. Armstrong and his colleagues demonstrated ingenuity and perseverance in dealing with this setback and it’s a lesson for all leaders about how to make the most of the problems thrown their way.

I think his family described it best when they said yesterday, “While we mourn the loss of a very good man, we also celebrate his remarkable life and hope that it serves as an example to young people around the world to work hard to make their dreams come true, to be willing to explore and push the limits, and to selflessly serve a cause greater than themselves.”

 25 Comments

 Posted on August 26, 2012 by

 Commitment, Integrity, Leadership, Professionalism, Success

Six Tips for Success From Restaurant Impossible’s Robert Irvine

The Food Network is a popular TV channel in my house. One of our favorite shows is Restaurant Impossible, where chef Robert Irvine has two days and $10,000 to help turnaround a failing restaurant. It’s amazing to see the commonalities shared by these struggling businesses and the strategies Irvine uses to address their ills. I’ve gleaned several tips from Irvine that can apply to just about any business turnaround or general leadership situation.

  1. Know what your customers want — A common situation that Irvine encounters is a restaurant that has lost sight of what their customers want. I remember one example of an aging Italian eatery that looked like a retirement home cafeteria even though it was located smack dab in the middle of a college town occupied by thousands of young adults. They clearly had lost sight of what their customers wanted, and as soon as Irvine helped them retool their business into a hip, upscale place attractive to the twenty-something crowd, they began to flourish.
  2. Clarify roles & responsibilities — In virtually every failing restaurant there is a lack of effective leadership. Over time the leaders have become burned-out, stopped caring, or tried to make up for deficiencies in other team members’ skills and end up spending too much time in the wrong areas. One restaurant owner was not only the head chef, but he also ordered all the food and supplies, managed the books, and came in at 4:30 a.m. to clean tables! It’s critical for any successful business to be clear on the roles and responsibilities of its team members so that everyone can be focused on their specific area of expertise and the sum of the whole will be greater than its individual parts.
  3. Master the basics of your business — Irvine will ask “So what are your food costs?” and it’s mind-boggling to see how many restaurant owners have no clue as to how much they’re spending on food. Many of them seem to have no grasp of the basics of their business: determining the right pricing of dishes based on food costs and profit margin, understanding the need to quickly turn tables to serve more customers, or how to run an efficient kitchen. It’s critical for any successful leader to master the basics of his/her business. You may have all the talent and potential in the world, but if you can’t master the fundamentals then you won’t go very far.
  4. Less is more — Another common ailment of struggling restaurants that Irvine encounters is having too many menu items. On a recent show he had an owner read the menu out loud and it took nearly 15 minutes! So much for quickly turning tables. Irvine frequently encourages the business owners to pare down their menu to one page of items they can produce excellently, rather than being mediocre at producing a lot of things. Successful leaders understand the importance of focusing their energies on the few critical items that will result in the most gain.
  5. The importance of having skilled people — It’s dumbfounding to see how many restaurant owners entrust their kitchen to cooks who don’t have much experience or training. The bottom-line reason people come back to a restaurant is the quality of the food. The decor and service can be great, but if the food stinks you’re not going to be very successful. Irvine has to help the owners make tough decisions about getting skilled people to work in the kitchen which often means letting go of long-term employees who just aren’t qualified for the job.
  6. A few key changes could bring dramatic results — Anyone who has tried sprucing up their home knows the value of a fresh coat of paint. Sometimes there are a few key changes that can result in dramatic gains. Irvine brings a fresh, outside perspective to restaurant owners who have gotten locked into their own way of viewing their business. By focusing on a few important areas such as menu selection, kitchen operations, and decor of the restaurant, Irvine helps the owners focus on the key areas that will give them the most bang for their buck.

These struggling restaurant owners didn’t find themselves in their situation overnight. It was the result of small decisions made over the course of time that landed them in their current plight. Sometimes that’s the case with us as leaders, too. We start out with the best intentions and then slowly lose steam as the months and years go by. These lessons from Restaurant Impossible’s Robert Irvine can get us back on track to being the successful leaders we started out to be.

 5 Comments

 Posted on August 19, 2012 by

 Leadership, Success

Are Delayed Apologies More Effective in Rebuilding Trust?

Alben Barkley, Vice President to Harry Truman, said about political apologies, “If you have to eat crow, eat it while it’s hot.” Most of us would agree that when it comes to making an apology, it’s better to act quickly, say your mea-culpa, do what you can to repair the damage, and then put the issue behind you.

However, when it comes to rebuilding trust and confidence with those you’ve offended, the timing of your apology could make all the difference between restoration and healing or just adding insult to injury.

In his newest book, Wait – The Art and Science of Delay, author Frank Partnoy gives several examples from academic research and popular culture that illustrate the importance of discerning the right time to make an apology. It’s not a question of if you need to apologize, but when.

For example, if you bump into a person while standing in line, or spill a drink on someone at a cocktail party, it’s expected and appropriate to apologize immediately. The offense is accidental and impersonal, and to not apologize immediately would be rude and disrespectful. Yet when it comes to more personal and complex situations, an immediate apology may come across as lacking sincerity, thoughtfulness, or care.

Partnoy points out that there are two good reasons to delay your apology. The first is that a snap apology may prevent the offended party from fully expressing how he or she feels about the situation, particularly if it’s a serious, personal transgression. The person wronged needs time to process what happened, understand what the intentions may have been of the offender, and what the ramifications are for their relationship.

The second reason to consider delaying your apology is that letting some time elapse allows additional information or feelings to bubble to the surface. Time and space allows the offended party to fully process their thoughts and emotions, and allows for ongoing discussion that can provide helpful context for why things happened the way they did. Having a more complete understanding of the background behind a transgression can allow the offended to progress to an emotionally open place where they can fully receive the apology.

Research by Frantz and Bennigson concludes that victims feel more satisfied when apologies are delayed because it gives them a chance to express themselves and feel that their concerns have been heard. Their studies suggest that the relationship between timing and the effectiveness of apologies follows a natural distribution curve: effectiveness is low to begin with, rises as time elapses, and then reaches a point where too much elapsed time reduces the effectiveness of the apology.

So when is the right time to apologize? Well, like most complicated issues in life, the answer is “it depends.” Partnoy suggests that the next time you offend a close friend or family member, you might want to think about how they will respond to an immediate apology versus one that is delayed a bit. Will the apology be more effective if it’s delivered today or tomorrow? Tomorrow or next week? If letting some time pass will give the offended party time to understand the full context of the situation and express their feelings, then chances are a delayed apology will be more effective than an immediate one.

If you’ve really screwed up, you’ll probably have to apologize several times throughout the healing process. It’s important to apologize, express remorse, and then listen. Let the offended express their feelings, observe and reorient yourself to where you stand in the healing process, and then move forward with picking up the pieces.

Sometimes when you eat crow, it’s better not to eat it hot or cold. Sometimes it’s better served warm.

 5 Comments

 Posted on August 12, 2012 by

 Apology, Emotions, Relationships, Repairing Trust

Hey, Leaders! Quit Talking & Start Listening – 4 Tips to Build Trust

“To answer before listening – that is folly and shame.”
Proverbs 18:13

It’s easy for leaders to fall into the trap of thinking they need to have the answer to every problem or situation that arises. After all, that’s in a leader’s job description, right? Solve problems, make decisions, have answers…that’s what we do! Why listen to others when you already know everything?

Good leaders know they don’t have all the answers. They spend time listening to the ideas, feedback, and thoughts of their people, and they incorporate that information into the decisions and plans they make. When a person feels listened to, it builds trust, loyalty, and commitment in the relationship. Here are some tips for building trust by improving the way you listen in conversations:

  • Don’t interrupt – It’s rude and disrespectful to the person you’re speaking with and it conveys the attitude, whether you mean it or not, that what you have to say is more important than what he or she is saying.
  • Make sure you understand – Ask clarifying questions and paraphrase to ensure that you understand what the person is trying to communicate. Generous and empathetic listening is a key part of Habit #5 – Seek first to understand, then to be understood – of Covey’s famous Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
  • Learn each person’s story – The successes, failures, joys, and sorrows that we experience in life weave together to form our “story.” Our story influences the way we relate to others, and when a leader takes time to understand the stories of his followers, he has a much better perspective and understanding of  their motivations. Chick-fil-a uses an excellent video in their training programs that serves as a powerful reminder of this truth.
  • Stay in the moment – It’s easy to be distracted in conversations. You’re thinking about the next meeting you have to run to, the pressing deadline you’re up against, or even what you need to pick up at the grocery store on the way home from work! Important things all, but they distract you from truly being present and fully invested in the conversation. Take notes and practice active listening to stay engaged.

My grandpa was fond of saying “The Lord gave you two ears and one mouth. Use them in that proportion.” Leaders can take a step forward in building trust with those they lead by speaking less and listening more. You might be surprised at what you learn!

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 Posted on August 5, 2012 by

 Leadership, Listening, Relationships, Trust

Are You a Good Boss or a Bad Boss? 8 Ways to Tell

“Are you a good boss or a bad boss?” That question reminds me of the scene from the Wizard of Oz when Glinda, the Good Witch of the North, first encounters Dorothy in Munchkinland. Glinda asks Dorothy “Are you a good witch, or a bad witch?” Dorothy replies that she’s not a witch at all, and besides, witches are old and ugly. After being informed that the beautiful, young Glinda is a witch, Dorothy says “You are! I beg your pardon! But I’ve never heard of a beautiful witch before.” Glinda responds, “Only bad witches are ugly.”

I think only bad bosses are ugly.

How do you know if you’re a good boss or a bad boss? Just over a year ago, Google’s People Operations group unveiled the results of their two-year study into what separates bad bosses from good bosses in their own company. They performed extensive data analysis on performance reviews, feedback surveys, and nominations for top-manager awards. What they came up with was 8 behaviors that distinguished the best bosses at Google. How do you stack up against this list?

1. Be a good coach

    • Provide specific, constructive feedback, balancing the negative and the positive.
    • Have regular one-on-ones, presenting solutions to problems tailored to your employees’ specific strengths

2. Empower your team and don’t micromanage

    • Balance giving freedom to your employees, while still being available for advice. Make “stretch” assignments to help the team tackle big problems.

3. Express interest in team members’ success and personal well-being

    • Get to know your employees as people, with lives outside of work.
    • Make new members of your team feel welcome and help ease their transition.

4. Don’t be a sissy: Be productive and results-oriented

    • Focus on what employees want the team to achieve and how they can help achieve it.
    • Help the team prioritize work and use seniority to remove roadblocks.

5. Be a good communicator and listen to your team

    • Communication is two-way: you both listen and share information.
    • Hold all-hands meetings and be straightforward about the messages and goals of the team. Help the team connect the dots.
    • Encourage open dialogue and listen to the issues and concerns of your employees.

6. Help your employees with career development

7. Have a clear vision and strategy for the team

    • Even in the midst of turmoil, keep the team focused on goals and strategy
    • Involve the team in setting and evolving the team’s vision and making progress toward it.

8. Have key technical skills so you can help advise the team

    • Roll up your sleeves and conduct work side by side with the team, when needed.
    • Understand the specific challenges of the work.

Kind of a no-brainer list, huh? It reinforces the idea that leaders can make tremendous strides by simply following the basics: Be interested in your folks, help them achieve their goals, provide the resources and support they need and get out of their way, communicate and share information, and have a vision for where the team needs to go.

Hopefully you’re a good boss and these behaviors are already part of your repertoire. If they aren’t, don’t worry. They’re all things that are very much under your control and you can incorporate them into your leadership practices. After all, you don’t want to be a bad boss. Bad bosses are ugly.

 12 Comments

 Posted on July 29, 2012 by

 Leadership, Relationships, Success

ONE B1G THING by Phil Cooke

Have you discovered what you were born to do? Do you believe that you have a unique destiny that you were put on Earth to fulfill? In his latest book, One Big Thing – Discovering What You Were Born to Do, Phil Cooke offers numerous insights and encouragements on how you can stop being average at so many things in your life and start becoming extraordinary at one big thing.

Cooke suggests that discovering your one big thing comes at the intersection of two questions: (1) What am I supposed to do with my life?, and (2) In a hyper-competitive, cluttered, and distracted world, how do I get noticed?

To help you discover what you’re supposed to do with your life, Cooke encourages you to engage in an honest self-evaluation by answering these four questions:

  1. What comes easy for you? We often discount our natural strengths when looking for our one big thing, when many times our greatest skills and passions are right under our own nose.
  2. What do you love? You’re probably familiar with the old saying, “Find a job you love to do and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Cooke subscribes to the same line of thinking and encourages you to determine what you’re passionate about doing and then find a way to get someone to pay you to do it.
  3. What drives you crazy? This could be something that’s broken that you want to fix, something that’s working that you want to improve, or it could be something that breaks your heart and compels you to action. Sometimes the things that make us the most crazy is also what ignites our passions.
  4. What do you want to leave behind? All of us will leave a legacy. The question is, what kind of legacy will you leave? How do you want to be remembered? Answering this question can help you determine the answer of how you want to live your life.

Once discovering your life’s purpose, Cooke believes you have to distinguish yourself from the crowd in order to get noticed. Not surprisingly, given his expertise in media production and branding, Cooke advocates that living your one big thing is your personal brand. He makes a solid case for having an authentic personal brand when he says, “Too many people think that developing or influencing their own brand is about becoming something they aren’t, when it’s really about discovering what they truly are.” Keeping in line with his belief in the value of self-awareness, Cooke writes, “Ultimately, a significant part of being different is being honest about who you are and how you’re perceived.”

I don’t think Cooke breaks any significant new ground in the One Big Thing, but I think he offers wise counsel and helpful guidance for seekers on the journey of discovering their life’s purpose, particularly the four questions listed above. My biggest take-away from the book was the affirmation that for the vast majority of us, discovering our one big thing is a life-long journey that usually finds its fulfillment in living our lives in authentic harmony with our most important and treasured values.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

 4 Comments

 Posted on July 22, 2012 by

 Book Reviews, Learning, Motivation, Purpose, Success, Values

Don’t Let Your Ego “Bust” Trust

Don’t kid yourself – you’ve got an ego and sometimes it gets out of control. You may not act like a pompous jerk in public, but if you’re human (and if you’re reading this then there’s a good chance you are), you’ve undoubtedly had those self-righteous, egotistical thoughts run through your mind from time to time whenever you’ve felt the need to impress someone or in response to a perceived slight. If you’re not careful to keep your ego in check, it’s likely that it’s causing you to erode trust in your relationships.

One of the four key elements of establishing trust in a relationship is being “believable,” which means acting with integrity. In polls and surveys I’ve conducted with hundreds of people, this one element is often cited as the most important element in building trust. It’s also the element of trust that takes the biggest hit if your ego is left unchecked. An out of control ego signals to other people that you believe you’re more important than them, place your interests ahead of theirs, and that others can’t be vulnerable with you without fear of being taken advantage of.

There are three key areas leaders can focus on to keep their ego in check, increase their “believability” with others, and build trust.

  • Honesty — The basics apply here: don’t lie, cheat, or steal. But being honest also means not stretching the truth, telling half-truths, omitting facts out of convenience, or failing to speak the truth when needed.
  • Values — Do you know what your core values are? What motivates you as a leader? When faced with a difficult choice, what are the values you use to filter your decision? Developing and articulating your values, and asking others to hold you accountable to living out those behaviors, will help keep your ego in check and allow others to gain confidence in the consistency of your behavior.
  • Fair Process — Do you treat people fairly? Egotistical leaders love to play favorites. Trustworthy leaders treat people ethically and equitably. Being fair doesn’t mean treating people the same across the board, no matter the circumstances. It means treating people fairly according to their specific situation and upholding consistent principles and ideals with your entire staff.

A believable leader is someone who acts with integrity and is a role model for the company’s values. We commonly describe believable leaders as credible, honest, and ethical. When someone is believable, he or she tells the truth, holds confidences, is honest about his or her skills, and gives credit when credit is due. Notice that egotistical doesn’t appear anywhere in that description. Egotistical leaders “bust” trust, whereas as believable leaders “boost” trust, and by focusing on developing honesty, values alignment, and acting fairly, leaders can keep their ego in check and build trust in the process.

I originally published this article in June 2012 under a different title for the LeaderChat.org blog and decided to share it here with the LeadingWithTrust community.

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 Posted on July 15, 2012 by

 Believability, Ego, Fairness, Honesty, Trust, Values

Are You Suffering From The Illusion of Transparency?

If you google the phrase “transparency in business” you’ll get more than 61,200,000 results. Needless to say, it’s a hot topic in leadership and business circles. The global meltdown of trust in business, government, and other institutions over the last several years has generated cries for more transparency in communications, legislation, and governance. Oddly enough, research has shown that in our attempts to be more transparent, we may actually be suffering an illusion of transparency – the belief that people are perceiving and understanding our motivations, intents, and communications more than they actually are.

Recently I had a manager ask my advice on how to be more transparent with her employees. She told me that one of her direct reports gave feedback that the manager needed to be more transparent, specifically in the area of sharing more personal information about herself. This leader believes herself to have a very transparent leadership style, but apparently it’s not coming across that way to this particular direct report. An illusion of transparency perhaps?

If you find yourself in a similar position of having received feedback that you need to be more transparent, or if you have an inkling that it’s an area in which you need to improve, I’d recommend you consider the following:

1. Be specific in your communications — Don’t take the easy way out by engaging in organizational double-speak which, unfortunately, seems to be more the norm than the exception today. Not wanting to get painted into a corner or be held to specific commitments or standards, we often obfuscate or communicate in vague generalities to appease people. In reality, your people want, need, and deserve the straight truth from you. It may be hard, difficult, or painful, but in the long run you’ll earn more trust and respect by being straight-up with your folks.

2. Understand what transparency looks like to your people — Just as with beauty, transparency is in the eye of the beholder. In the case I mentioned above, the leader believed she had a high level of transparency with her followers, but it wasn’t the case with this one particular employee. I think individual personalities play a role in how transparency is perceived. Some people who are more relationship-focused may have a greater need for personal transparency (the leader sharing more information about self) where others who are more task-focused may have a greater need for transparency of information.

3. Be authentic — It’s hard to fake transparency. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, because although you may be able to get away with it for a while, eventually the real you will come out. If you have trouble being transparent, admit it! That in and of itself will be one the greatest things you can do to increase transparency and trust with others. Let your people know it’s something you’re intentionally working on improving and ask for their support and understanding.

People want to follow leaders who are authentic, genuine, and honest, and being transparent in your actions and communications is critical to being a trusted leader, and that’s no illusion.

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 Posted on July 8, 2012 by

 Authenticity, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Transparency, Trust

Four Trust Boosters For Your Social Media Strategy

Social media is an essential corporate strategy today. For many organizations it has become the primary communication vehicle with their customers, transforming the once traditional advertising and public relations channels of print, radio, or television, into real-time tweets, blogs, or Facebook posts.

Social Media is a fantastic way to develop your market reach, extend your brand, and nurture customer relationships, but if not done correctly, it can end up eroding trust and working against the very goals you’re trying to accomplish.

Because of the instantaneous, easily propagated, and far-reaching nature of social media, your “trust busting” gaffes have the potential to create exponentially more damage than an ill-worded press release. Perhaps you’re familiar with some of these recent social media disasters:

  • Shortly after an 8.6-magnitude earthquake struck the coast of Thailand and residents were rushing to higher ground in fear of a possible tidal wave, KFC Thailand posted a message on its Facebook page encouraging residents to “hurry home this evening to monitor the earthquake situation and don’t forget to order the KFC menu, which will be delivered direct to your hands.”
  • During the Arab Spring of last year, fashion company Kenneth Cole made light of the situation by tweeting that people in Cairo were rioting because they heard the company’s new spring collection had become available for purchase online.
  • In May of last year, a representative of New Media Strategies, the vendor handling the social media communications for Chrysler, tweeted out his personal frustrations about his morning commute via Chrysler’s Twitter account. The tweet read: “I find it ironic that Detroit is known as the #motorcity and yet no one here knows how to (expletive) drive.”

There’s no replacement for common sense when it comes to how you communicate your message via social media, but common sense isn’t always common practice. Here’s four ways to build trust through your social media efforts:

1. Stick to your knitting – People participate in your social media community because they value your product, service, or brand. For the most part, they don’t care about your political views, religious beliefs, or want to hear your commentary on the issues of the day. “Stay in your lane,” is the phrase the U.S. Air Force uses to instruct its members to stick to their area of expertise in using social media. It’s much harder to stick your foot in your mouth when you’re speaking out of your area of expertise than it is when venturing into new territory.

2. Be responsive –  Participating in social media means being involved in a community. It takes time and effort to cultivate relationships, and only engaging in one way communication to your followers, rather than with your followers, will erode their trust and eventually cause them to lose interest in you. If you use a social media account as part of a customer service strategy, make sure it’s constantly monitored and concerns are addressed immediately.

3. Define the playing field – Many companies have been slow to adopt an intentional, well thought out strategy for how their employees should use social media. A notable example of this was highlighted last year in the case of Noah Kravitz, the former editor-in-chief of the tech blog Phone Dog. When Kravitz left the employ of Phone Dog, he took the 17,000 followers of his Twitter account with him, which Phone Dog later sued over, claiming the followers should remain with the company and not Kravitz personally. If you haven’t created specific guidelines about the use of social media like IBM and Cisco have, you should consider putting something together that will help your people understand the boundaries of the playing field.

4. Be transparent – There will undoubtedly be negative feedback given to you via your social media channels. You can build trust by acknowledging the feedback and saying what you’re going to do to address the situation. An excellent example of this is the way Southwest Airlines handled a series of complaints from Hollywood film director Kevin Smith. Southwest immediately responded to his complaints, apologized for his experience, stated what they were doing to address his situation, and kept the tone of the conversation positive and conciliatory. Don’t delete the negative comments or get in a war of words, but remain professional, positive, and authentic in the way you communicate with your followers.

Having a social media presence is no longer a “nice to have” for organizations; it’s a must-have. Make sure you’re putting your best foot forward in cultivating high-trust relationships with your social media followers by sticking to your area of expertise, instructing your employees on the proper use of social media, and being responsive and transparent with your followers.

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 Posted on July 1, 2012 by

 Social Media, Trust, Trust Boosters, Trust Busters

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