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Got Ethics? The Five P’s of Ethical Power

There is but one place where people without any problems reside—the cemetery. The only people without problems are dead, otherwise, for people like me and you…we’ve got problems! The question is, do we have ethics? Do we have the moral principles or values in place to guide our decisions when faced with ethical dilemmas or difficult situations?

One of my favorite books is The Power of Ethical Management, written by Ken Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale. In their book, Blanchard and Peale discuss the five principles of ethical decision-making which they call the “Five P’s of Ethical Power.” I find myself returning to these principles time and again when faced with challenging decisions. Hopefully they can be as helpful to you as they have been for me.

Purpose—Your purpose is the road you choose to travel, the meaning and direction of your life. It’s the driving force of why you do what you do. For some it may be rooted in their spiritual faith. Others may find their purpose is something they feel called to do, such as serving those in need, raising responsible children, or leaving the world a better place than they found it. Aligning the activities of your life according to your purpose gives you a clear sense of direction, so when you’re faced with challenging circumstances or difficult decisions, you’re able to filter those occasions through the lens of your purpose and make choices that keep you on track.

Pride—Unlike false pride, which stems from a distorted sense of self-importance that causes people to believe and act like they are better than others, a healthy sense of pride springs from a positive self-image and confidence in one’s abilities. A proper sense of pride mixed with a good dose of humility is the balance you’re seeking. Being driven by false pride causes you to seek the approval and acceptance of others which can overly influence you to take the easy way out when faced with a tough situation.

Patience—Patience is in short supply in our culture. We live in a hyper-connected, instantaneous world where virtually anything we want is just a click away. Blanchard and Peale describe patience as having a faith and belief that things will work out well, as long as we stick to our values and principles. Giving in to instant gratification is one of the biggest temptations we face and it causes us to make decisions that aren’t in alignment with our purpose and values. Enduring the struggles and challenges life throws our way helps develop the strength of our character. Much like prematurely opening a caterpillar cocoon leads to a weakened and under-developed butterfly, choosing the path of expediency leaves us with an under-developed character and weakens our ethical power.

Persistence—This component of ethical power is about staying the course, staying true to your purpose and values. Persistence is about commitment, not interest. When you have interest in something you do it when it’s convenient. When you’re committed, you do it no matter what! One of my favorite “Yoda-isms” from the Star Wars movies is “Do or do not. There is no try.” When it comes to making ethical decisions, there is never a right time to do the wrong thing. Persistence keeps us on the straight and narrow path.

Perspective—All the other elements of ethical power emanate from the core of perspective. Perspective is about having the big picture view of situations and understanding what’s truly important. Too often we make snap decisions in the heat of the moment and neglect to step back and examine the situation from a bigger perspective. Maintaining the proper perspective is also about paying attention to our inner-self and not just our task-oriented outer-self. Taking the time to enter each day with prayer, meditation, exercise, or solitude helps foster self-reflection which is needed to help us maintain the right perspective about life.

Many people believe there is a huge gray area between right and wrong and they use that as rationale to operate by situational ethics. What’s right in this situation may be wrong in the next. I don’t agree. I believe in most cases we can distinguish between right and wrong if we take the time to examine the situation and rely upon our ethical power.

So I ask you: Got ethics? Share your feedback or questions by leaving a comment.

17 Comments

Posted on March 3, 2013 by Randy Conley

Deception, Decision-Making, Ethics, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Power, Purpose, Responsibility, Values

Five Keys to Being a Super Bowl-Caliber Leader

One of the intriguing factors in the matchup of today’s Super Bowl XLVII is that the coaches of each team are brothers. John Harbaugh coaches the Baltimore Ravens and his younger brother, Jim, is coach of the San Francisco 49ers. It’s the first time in Super Bowl history that siblings have coached against each other. The chances are slim that a coach will reach the Super Bowl during his career, and it’s even crazier that in this case we have two brothers achieving this career goal simultaneously.

The coaching profession provides many wonderful examples of what it takes to be a successful leader in the workplace. If there was a “leadership” Super Bowl, what would it take for a leader to make it to that game? What characteristics, traits, or behaviors would transform an average leader into a Super Bowl-caliber leader? I thought of five important keys:

1. Integrity – Success starts on the inside by being a leader of integrity. We’ve seen numerous examples of people who have cheated their way to temporary fame, but lasting success comes from living according to a set of honorable values. Integrity displays itself when you make ethical decisions, follow through on commitments, treat people with respect, and are honest and trustworthy in your dealings with people.

2. A commitment to help others achieve their goals – The most successful leaders understand that their personal goals get fulfilled when they help their people achieve their goals. People don’t want to follow self-serving leaders. They want to follow leaders who empower them to achieve their own goals and the goals of the team. As one of my favorite coaches, Bo Schembechler said, it’s all about “the team, the team, the team.”

3. Communicate effectively – You can be an intellectually brilliant leader, but if you can’t communicate effectively with your team, your success will be limited. Great leaders share information about themselves and the organization on a frequent basis. They share information broadly and expect people to handle it responsibly, whereas insecure leaders hoard information in an effort to retain control.

4. Smart and disciplined – Super Bowl-caliber leaders are smart – they’re good at what they do. They constantly work to improve their craft and they take a disciplined, focus approach to applying their knowledge to their work (that’s wisdom – applied knowledge). You can’t reach the Super Bowl being content to rest on your laurels. You have to keep learning, adapting, and striving to be your best.

5. Rally people around a common goal – You’ve probably heard the saying that if you think you’re leading but no one is following, then you’re simply out for a walk. At its core, leading is about getting a group of people to move in a common direction to achieve a goal. It doesn’t really matter what the goal is – winning a football game, providing excellent customer service, or manufacturing cars on an assembly line – leaders have to channel the collective talents and energy of their team members into a common purpose.

Those are my five keys to being a Super Bowl-caliber leader. I’m sure there are many more that could be added to the list. What are your thoughts? Feel free to leave a comment with you suggestions.

Enjoy the game!

10 Comments

Posted on February 3, 2013 by Randy Conley

Coaching, Communication, Integrity, Leadership, Relationships, Sports, Success, Teamwork

Five Lessons From Lance Armstrong’s Failure

“I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to earn back trust and apologize to people.”

Lance Armstrong made that statement to Oprah Winfrey in his public confession this week when he finally admitted to using illegal performance enhancing drugs. It’s the one statement that has stuck with me as I’ve tried to make sense of how and why someone would go to such great lengths to perpetuate a lie and intentionally deceive so many people.

Millions of people have admired Armstrong as an example of how to “Livestrong” and battle through life’s difficult circumstances. Oddly enough, even though his athletic success and personal brand image have been discovered to be a fraud, he’s still proving to be an example from whom we can learn.

Armstrong’s fall from grace offers some important life and leadership lessons:

1. Life’s not about you – Armstrong described himself as a narcissist and said it was his ruthless desire to win at all costs that drove him to be a cheater. I don’t know that I’ve witnessed a public character with such an intense self drive and singular focus (with the possible exception of Tiger Woods, and look at what happened to him) that caused him to be so egotistical and selfish. The joy of life is unleashed when we discover that true happiness comes from serving others and not ourselves.

2. Bullies eventually get what’s coming to them – A self-described bully, Armstrong vehemently condemned and intimidated anyone who stood in his way to success. He burned so many relationships on his way up, that now he finds himself alone in his shame on the way down.

3. If you’re going to say you’re sorry, you should actually be sorry – Several times Armstrong said that he was sorry and took full blame and responsibility for his actions, yet based on other comments he made and the unspoken words of his body language, he left me with the impression that he wasn’t truly remorseful for defrauding everyone. He was apologizing for the sake of apologizing, recognizing that it was the necessary first step in rebuilding his image.

4. If it’s too good to be true, it probably is – Armstrong’s comeback from cancer, Tour de France victories, and life as an anti-cancer crusader seemed to be the perfect tale. He admitted to Oprah that he had devised such a fantastical narrative that it was impossible to live up to the idealistic standards he created. And millions upon millions of people bought it – hook, line, and sinker. Everyone single one of us has our faults and it’s extremely dangerous to place anyone on a pedestal as the end-all be-all example we should follow.

5. The truth will set you free – Oprah closed the interview by telling Armstrong it was her hope that he would find “the truth will set you free.” Jesus spoke those words in reference to people who choose to follow his teachings (John 8:32), meaning they would find the freedom and protection that comes from adhering to His moral principles. We all need a moral compass that keeps us oriented to true north, and Armstrong is an example of what happens when you lead without morality.

Lance Armstrong has a long way to go to rebuild trust with his followers. Is it even possible given the scope of his willful deception? I think it’s going to be hard.

What do you think? Feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts.

48 Comments

Posted on January 20, 2013 by Randy Conley

Apology, Deception, Forgiveness, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Narcissism, Repairing Trust, Trust

Trust – Get It Right On The Inside First!

This past week I was interviewed by David Witt for the December edition of Blanchard’s Ignite! newsletter. The article appears below.

Trust as a managerial competency? Yes, says Randy Conley, Trust Practice Leader at The Ken Blanchard Companies®, but only as an outward extension of core beliefs held deeply inside. Otherwise you are just going through the motions, attempting to appear trustworthy instead of being trustworthy.

As Conley explains, “People know who they can trust and it’s based on a variety of signals that they pick up. Managers demonstrate trust in their people by the small things they do on a day-to-day basis. It can range from offering praise, increasing responsibility by giving additional tasks, or increasing an employee’s level of autonomy in their role.

“That’s why any skill development has to be built upon a foundation of authenticity. You have to have it right on the inside first. That’s when these tools work best. They help you identify blind spots that might be holding you back as a leader. But it should never be a substitute for genuinely trusting other people.

“This means the person I am with you in the office and at work is the person that I am at home. It’s an alignment of your values. Basically it’s being who you really are. John Wooden, the famous UCLA basketball coach described it best, ‘Character is what you do when no one is watching.’ There needs to be alignment between who you are at work and who you are outside of work.

“There is a fine line between manipulation and authenticity. That’s the shadow aspect of any model or behavioral prescription. For example, if you just approach it as a set of behaviors to influence people, you’re not going to get the traction and results you want. You have to be careful and not treat it from a public relations or spin perspective.”

How do managers get off track?

Everyone knows that trust is important, so how do so many well-meaning managers get off-track when it comes to building trusting relationships?

According to Conley, trust gets off-track when we forget about people and focus only on the product or the result. We get so wrapped up in meeting deadlines, hitting the numbers, or whatever goals we are pursuing that we forget about the relationship aspect.

Of course, goal accomplishment is vital, Conley reminds us, but it’s important to pursue it as a common goal. It’s a “give to get” process. If we neglect that relationship and the human element of it, trust suffers. That results in direct reports thinking to themselves, “All my boss really cares about is whether I get the work done.” That sets up a transactional relationship where everyone is focused on meeting their own needs. You’ll never get the level of performance that a deep commitment to a common goal will produce.

To reverse the process, Conley recommends asking yourself a key leadership question: “Are you here to serve—or be served?” Trusting relationships begin with leaders who are “others focused” instead of “self focused.”

“You can put whatever label you want on it, but it comes from a deeply held belief that my value and role as a leader is to bring out the best in you. It’s not about me, it’s about you. I think that’s the first and foremost core value that people recognize and respond to.” It’s seeing leadership as a higher calling. It’s a lofty aspiration, but that’s a good thing, according to Conley.

“Leaders would be well served to tap into a greater vision of what leadership is, or could be. It’s a noble profession. When you see it that way you recognize that you have to be a trustworthy individual. There’s no room for not being up-front with people, not being competent, or not being dependable and following through on your commitments. It is about having a different vision about what leadership is and what a leader does.”

The benefits of trust

When trust is present in a work relationship there are several benefits. Both sides understand the relationship and are committed to it. Good trustful relationships also create freedom for failure—within limits of course. We’re not talking about permission to fail continuously without consequences, but you are permitted and have a freedom for risk-taking. There’s a level of maturity and acceptance among the manager and direct report that it’s okay to make mistakes because they’ll be viewed as learning opportunities and a chance for us to grow and deepen our relationship.

Trust also builds an atmosphere of open communication that leads to better and more frequent checking in with each other. There’s also a level of confidence in each other’s ability and dependability.

Become a better leader

Conley believes that building trust is the number one leadership competency of the 21st century. But it’s important to remember that it starts on the inside first. In some ways, trust is just an extension of other good management skills and should be woven together with the other things a leader does on a day-to-day basis.

“Trust is a byproduct of all of the other managerial and leadership aspects and activities, duties, and responsibilities that you employ on a day-to-day basis. You become a more trustworthy leader by becoming a better leader.”

Would you like to learn more about trust and its impact on leadership? Then join us for a free webinar!

Building Trust: 3 Keys to Becoming a More Trustworthy Leader

Wednesday, December 12, 2012 9:00–10:00 a.m. Pacific, 12:00–1:00 p.m. Eastern, 5:00–6:00 p.m. UK & GMT

Trust continues to be identified as a missing ingredient in today’s workplace. Surveys show that only a small percentage of today’s workers agree that they truly trust their leaders. To ensure high levels of organizational performance, leaders need to tackle trust head-on. The key is to learn how to build trusting relationships that bring out the best in people.

In this webinar, Blanchard Trust Practice Leader Randy Conley will show you how leaders can improve the levels of trust in their organization by identifying potential gaps that trip up even the best of leaders.

Participants will learn how to:

Get it right on the inside. Becoming a more trustful person.
The four leadership behaviors that build or destroy trust.
Three keys to creating trusting relationships.

Don’t miss this opportunity to learn how to raise the level of trust in your organization by increasing the “trust-ability” of your leaders.

7 Comments

Posted on December 9, 2012 by Randy Conley

Integrity, Leadership, Servant Leadership, Trust, Webinars

Lance Armstrong: It’s Not About the Bike – It’s About the Truth

If life was like a bicycle, Lance Armstrong’s suddenly has two flat tires.

On the heels of being slapped with a lifetime ban from cycling and stripped of his seven Tour de France titles by the U.S. Anti Doping Agency a few weeks ago, Armstrong resigned Wednesday as chairman of the LIVESTRONG Foundation. His resignation came as a result of the negative fallout surrounding the USADA releasing its 200 page report detailing their evidence of Armstrong’s use of performance enhancing drugs (PED) and his role in what USADA dubbed “the most sophisticated, professional and successful doping program that sport has ever seen.”

Armstrong has been dropped by several of his top sponsors including Anheuser-Busch, Trek, 24-Hour Fitness, Radio Shack, and most importantly, Nike. “Due to the seemingly insurmountable evidence that Lance Armstrong participated in doping and misled Nike for more than a decade, it is with great sadness that we have terminated our contract with him,” the company said in a statement. “Nike does not condone the use of illegal performance enhancing drugs in any manner.”

I don’t know Lance Armstrong. I haven’t even read his book. But it seems clear that he’s broken trust with a lot of people who have admired him, both for his sporting accomplishments as well as his personal comeback from cancer and his efforts to fight the disease on a global basis. At this point in Armstrong’s life, he refuses to acknowledge that he’s broken trust, which is the first step in the process to restore his credibility with others. Once he’s able to acknowledge the situation, he needs to admit his wrongdoing, apologize to his legions of supporters, and then begin the process of making amends, whatever that may look like.

There is no denying the tremendous accomplishments of the LIVESTRONG Foundation and the wonderful support they provide to so many people in the cancer community, yet Lance Armstrong’s personal integrity seems to be completely incongruent with the noble mission he helped found.

Integrity means you tell the truth. You don’t lie. You don’t cheat. You have honorable values and live your life in accordance with those values. You walk the talk. You’re ethical. You’re a person of character.

That’s what it means to LIVESTRONG.

24 Comments

Posted on October 21, 2012 by Randy Conley

Apology, Forgiveness, Honesty, Integrity, Repairing Trust, Sports, Trust

Navy SEALs, Fame and the Lure of Narcissism – A Cautionary Tale for Leaders

The publication this week of No Easy Day, a book written by former Navy SEAL Matt Bissonnette (using the pseudonym Mark Owen) detailing his involvement in the killing of Osama bin Laden, offers a cautionary tale for leaders everywhere. How do you deal with cultivating and enforcing your organization’s culture when it clashes with the values of your team members and the evolving behavioral norms of society at large?

The Navy SEALs, along with the other special operation forces of the military, have a long and storied culture of humility, honor, and selflessness. The mantra of their profession has always been “we don’t talk about what we do,” yet that philosophy has come in direct conflict with the desires and decisions of current and former SEALs to cash in on their experiences and expertise.

“We do NOT advertise the nature of our work, NOR do we seek recognition for our actions,” said Rear Adm. Sean Pybus, in an email message to his 2,500 soldiers this week. He said he was “disappointed, embarrassed and concerned” that troops are now openly speaking and writing about what they do.

“Most of us have always thought that the privilege of working with some of our nation’s toughest warriors on challenging missions would be enough to be proud of, with no further compensation or celebrity required. Today, we find former SEALs headlining positions in a presidential campaign; hawking details about a mission against Enemy Number 1; and generally selling other aspects of NSW training and operations. For an Elite Force that should be humble and disciplined for life, we are certainly not appearing to be so. We owe our chain of command much better than this.”

Pybus’ comments seem somewhat hypocritical given the fact that active duty SEALs were given approval to appear in the recent movie Act of Valor, former SEALs and special operatives appeared in the TV show Stars Earn Stripes, the Pentagon and CIA have provided support for an upcoming movie about the bin Laden raid, Zero Dark Thirty, and SEALs are working on two other movies currently in production.

In their book, The Mirror Effect – How Celebrity Narcissism is Seducing America, doctors Drew Pinsky and S. Mark Young studied the narcissistic behaviors of American celebrities and their effects on society at large. They suggest that the explosion of reality TV shows, tabloid journalism, instantaneous news via the internet, gossip websites, personal blogs, and social networks are all changing our perceptions of what’s “normal” and facilitating the mirroring of these behaviors in our lives, particularly among the young.

This is the very cultural clash facing the SEALs. In a CNN.com story on this subject, a recently retired senior SEAL said, “It’s a generational thing that is happening to some extent. Some younger SEALs who have grown up in the age of the Internet and instant online communications simply feel it’s their right to talk about their work, as long as they can claim it’s not classified.”

There are no easy answers to this dilemma. In fact, if we as leaders are honest with ourselves, we would be the first to admit that we have our own battles with narcissism. A Ohio State University study found that people who score high in narcissism tend to take control of leaderless groups – it’s in our nature. But because it’s in our nature doesn’t mean that it has to control us.

In dealing with this challenge I’m reminded of the old Native American story about the battle of two wolves inside each of us. One wolf is Evil and it is anger, jealousy, pride, ego, and greed. The other wolf is Good and it is love, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, selflessness, and compassion. Which wolf wins? The one you choose to feed.

4 Comments

Posted on September 9, 2012 by Randy Conley

Authenticity, Culture, Ego, Ethics, Greed, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Narcissism, Values

Five Leadership Lessons From The Life of Neil Armstrong

Yesterday we lost a true American hero. Former astronaut Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, passed away at the age of 82. Armstrong’s life story read like pages from an adventure novel: earned his pilot license at age 15, flew 78 missions in the Korean War as a Navy fighter pilot, test piloted experimental rocket planes that flew to the edge of space at altitudes of over 200,000 feet, and commanded the Apollo 11 space mission and became the first man to walk on the moon.

Despite his many accomplishments, Neil Armstrong was a humble, private man who didn’t seek to turn his achievements into fortune and fame. After retiring from NASA in 1971, Armstrong taught engineering at Purdue University and served on the boards of several businesses. His reserved, low-key approach to leading his life is strikingly at odds with today’s “look at me” reality TV infused culture. In An Audience with Neil Armstrong, the famous astronaut discusses his life and the experience of traveling to the moon. The interview is a treasure-trove of leadership wisdom, but there were five lessons that struck me as important for leaders of all generations.

1. Humility – Virtually every written account of Armstrong’s life, as well as descriptions from those who knew him best, describe him as a man of extreme humility. He resisted bringing attention to himself and always viewed his accomplishments as simply the result of “doing his job.” Humility is a key characteristic of Jim Collins’ profile of successful Level 5 leaders and it is a key component to establishing high-trust relationships. It’s hard to trust the intentions of self-absorbed leaders whereas humble leaders create an environment and culture that breeds openness and trust.

2. Recognize and value the contributions of others – Armstrong readily acknowledged the invaluable contributions of the Apollo 1-10 missions as laying the building blocks for his crew’s moon landing. Each Apollo mission had specific goals that were milestones to the ultimate mission of landing on the moon. Armstrong’s Apollo 11 crew got the nod for the moon landing and he recognized that his efforts were just the next link in the entire chain of the Apollo space program. Today’s leaders would be wise to honor and respect those who have laid the groundwork ahead of them and not act like the success they’re enjoying today is solely a result of their efforts.

3. Stay vigilant because problems occur when you least expect them – On the descent to the moon, the Lunar Module’s navigation system was targeting a landing spot that would be on the edge of a slight hill. Armstrong had to take manual control of the spacecraft for the last 2 minutes and fly it to a safe landing site. Successful leaders are always scanning the environment so they can react to changing conditions. Flying on auto-pilot is best when conditions are stable, but in today’s world where daily change is the norm, using auto-pilot for too long can have disastrous consequences.

4. The power of focus – Shortly after stepping onto the surface of the moon, Armstrong and fellow astronaut Buzz Aldrin placed a memorial on the lunar surface honoring the deceased astronauts, both Russian and American, who had preceded them in attempts to reach the moon. Armstrong describes it as being a tender moment, yet a very quick one because there was a checklist of many tasks awaiting their attention. Armstrong took a focused, methodical approach to his work that shows the power of concentrated attention. It’s easy for leaders to have their focused diffused among all the demands competing for their attention, yet the most successful leaders have learned to block out the distractions and focus on those activities that produce the most results.

5. Never let a good problem go to waste – The Apollo 1 crew suffered a terrible tragedy in 1967 when during a pre-flight test a cabin fire in the control module killed the crew of Gus Grissom, Edward White, and Roger Chafee. The Apollo space flights were put on nearly a two-year hold while the accident was investigated. NASA only had four years to fulfill President Kennedy’s challenge to reach the moon by the end of the decade, but rather than letting the delay prevent them from achieving their goal, they used those two years to refine the design of the control module and to keep training for the moon landing. Armstrong and his colleagues demonstrated ingenuity and perseverance in dealing with this setback and it’s a lesson for all leaders about how to make the most of the problems thrown their way.

I think his family described it best when they said yesterday, “While we mourn the loss of a very good man, we also celebrate his remarkable life and hope that it serves as an example to young people around the world to work hard to make their dreams come true, to be willing to explore and push the limits, and to selflessly serve a cause greater than themselves.”

25 Comments

Posted on August 26, 2012 by Randy Conley

Commitment, Integrity, Leadership, Professionalism, Success

Are You Suffering From The Illusion of Transparency?

If you google the phrase “transparency in business” you’ll get more than 61,200,000 results. Needless to say, it’s a hot topic in leadership and business circles. The global meltdown of trust in business, government, and other institutions over the last several years has generated cries for more transparency in communications, legislation, and governance. Oddly enough, research has shown that in our attempts to be more transparent, we may actually be suffering an illusion of transparency – the belief that people are perceiving and understanding our motivations, intents, and communications more than they actually are.

Recently I had a manager ask my advice on how to be more transparent with her employees. She told me that one of her direct reports gave feedback that the manager needed to be more transparent, specifically in the area of sharing more personal information about herself. This leader believes herself to have a very transparent leadership style, but apparently it’s not coming across that way to this particular direct report. An illusion of transparency perhaps?

If you find yourself in a similar position of having received feedback that you need to be more transparent, or if you have an inkling that it’s an area in which you need to improve, I’d recommend you consider the following:

1. Be specific in your communications — Don’t take the easy way out by engaging in organizational double-speak which, unfortunately, seems to be more the norm than the exception today. Not wanting to get painted into a corner or be held to specific commitments or standards, we often obfuscate or communicate in vague generalities to appease people. In reality, your people want, need, and deserve the straight truth from you. It may be hard, difficult, or painful, but in the long run you’ll earn more trust and respect by being straight-up with your folks.

2. Understand what transparency looks like to your people — Just as with beauty, transparency is in the eye of the beholder. In the case I mentioned above, the leader believed she had a high level of transparency with her followers, but it wasn’t the case with this one particular employee. I think individual personalities play a role in how transparency is perceived. Some people who are more relationship-focused may have a greater need for personal transparency (the leader sharing more information about self) where others who are more task-focused may have a greater need for transparency of information.

3. Be authentic — It’s hard to fake transparency. Don’t try to be someone you’re not, because although you may be able to get away with it for a while, eventually the real you will come out. If you have trouble being transparent, admit it! That in and of itself will be one the greatest things you can do to increase transparency and trust with others. Let your people know it’s something you’re intentionally working on improving and ask for their support and understanding.

People want to follow leaders who are authentic, genuine, and honest, and being transparent in your actions and communications is critical to being a trusted leader, and that’s no illusion.

6 Comments

Posted on July 8, 2012 by Randy Conley

Authenticity, Honesty, Integrity, Leadership, Transparency, Trust

Deception Destroys Trust – 10 Questions to Ask To Keep From Being Duped

Contrary to popular belief, trust is not as fragile as we make it out to be. Trust can be one of the strongest forces in the world, binding people, institutions, and nations together in the midst of incredible adversity. Trust can be amazingly resilient, and when broken, can be restored over time through diligent and intentional behavior.

Research findings from Wharton have shown that “trust harmed by untrustworthy behavior can be effectively restored when individuals observe a consistent series of trustworthy actions,” and that making promises to change behavior can help speed up the process. However, the study also found that “Trust harmed by the same untrustworthy actions and deception, never fully recovers – even when deceived participants receive a promise, an apology, and observe a consistent series of trustworthy actions.”

In order to build trust you have to first extend trust. Extending trust to others requires wisdom and discernment, and the amount of trust extended grows over time as you observe repeated, consistent, and reliable behaviors that cause you to make yourself more vulnerable to another person without fear of being taken advantage of or being harmed. There will inevitably be instances in relationships where one party breaks trust and disappoints another, either intentionally or unintentionally, and those occasions are usually repairable. Yet when intentional deception is involved, it strikes at the heart of the very integrity and character of the deceiver.

Dr. Bill Knaus suggests that you can protect yourself from harmful deceptions through enlightened skepticism and confident composure. Enlightened skepticism is a way to discern the facts of a situation through asking questions that force you to think critically. It helps you learn who to trust and to what degree so that you minimize the risk of deception in the first place.

Confident composure is a belief that you can directly command only yourself and you choose to do so. When you are in charge of yourself, you believe you can better influence the controllable events that take place around you. It’s a self-empowering approach to acting confident and composed that allows you to come across as authentic and resolute in your convictions and actions.

Dr. Knaus says that “You are vulnerable to lies and deceptions when you don’t know the facts, the situation is fuzzy, or you want to believe” and he offers the following ten enlightened skepticism questions to gain clarity:

What do I know about the speaker’s truthfulness?
Is the statement consistent with reality?
Can I verify the statement?
What do I gain by accepting and acting on the statement?
What do I lose by accepting and acting on the statement?
What does the speaker gain if I bought into the statement?
What is exaggerated or downplayed in the statement?
Does the idea seem too good to be true?
Would I advise my best friend to accept the statement without a question of doubt?
What doesn’t compute? (Is something being said too emphatically or in some strange way?)

Trust is an active and vibrant dynamic in relationships, not a passive condition that “just happens” over time. Part of developing a high trust relationship is being wise about who and what you trust. Not all people or situations are deserving of your trust, and approaching these situations with confident composure and enlightened skepticism is a proactive way to help prevent you from being deceived in the first place.

9 Comments

Posted on June 10, 2012 by Randy Conley

Deception, Honesty, Integrity, Relationships, Repairing Trust, Trust, Trust Busters

Managing the Malcontent – Four Leadership Tips

Malcontent
Part of speech: adjective
Definition: dissatisfied
Synonyms: belly aching, complaining, discontented, disgruntled, unhappy, unsatisfied

Managing a chronically malcontent staff member can be an exhausting experience for a leader. No matter what you do to address the situation, there always seems to be a reason for the staff member to be unhappy, and to prove the truth of the old saying “misery loves company,” the malcontent often loves to spread their discontent to others, creating a whirlpool of negativity for the entire team. The result is the leader ends up spending the majority of his time managing the emotional state of the malcontent in an effort to keep peace within the team.

It’s easy to have all of your emotional and mental energy get sucked into the black hole of managing the malcontent. It’s important for leaders to step back, gain a little perspective, and have a strategy in place for handling these situations. Here’s a few tips that may help:

1. Be consistent in your behavior—It’s important for the malcontent to understand, and for other staff members to see, that you are going to remain consistent in your responses to the situations at hand. Don’t give in to emotional outbursts, frustration, or “fighting fire with fire,” but remain cognizant that you have to set the tone for the type of environment you want within the team and that you set the example of how team members should treat each other. Be respectful, yet firm and consistent, in dealing with the demands or issues raised by the malcontent. It’s necessary to support point #2.

2. Maintain your integrity—Don’t treat the malcontent unfairly by dismissing their concerns or excluding them from opportunities you would provide to other team members. Resist the urge to pander to their needs, walk on eggshells, or make exceptions for the malcontent just to avoid any negative reactions. Treat the malcontent fairly and consistently, just as you would any other staff member. It’s important to remember that at the end of the day, the only thing a leader has left is his/her integrity. Don’t lose it by compromising your principles.

3. Don’t take it personally—Hurt people tend to hurt people. Those who have emotional and mental wounds from other life experiences can easily take out their pain and suffering on those around them. This is often the case with the office malcontent, who for whatever reason, chooses to express their unhappiness at work. If you have been consistent in your behavior and treated others equitably and ethically, you can feel confident that the issues probably lie with the malcontent, not with you.

4. Recognize when a change is needed—If previous constructive efforts have failed, and the leader has taken all reasonable steps to allow the malcontent to change his/her attitude, the only resolution may be a change of assignment or employment. Usually when it gets to this point in the employer/employee relationship, both parties know that a change is needed, and it often comes as a welcome relief. Certainly that’s not the case in all situations, so leaders need to make sure they’ve been consistent and ethical in their dealings with the employee over time. However, at some point in time, this may be the only solution available.

Each of us are ultimately responsible for our own attitudes and behaviors. Leaders have a responsibility for helping malcontent staff members see where they can improve and provide them the resources and opportunities to do so, but in the end, the employee has to take control of their actions and assume responsibility for the outcomes. If they are willing and able to change, they will. If not, they will manage themselves into other career opportunities.

6 Comments

Posted on May 27, 2012 by Randy Conley

Ethics, Fairness, Integrity, Morale, Personality

If It’s Broken, Do You Fix It or Throw It Away?

When you have something that’s broken, do you fix it or throw it away? Many of the products we buy today, especially electronics, have become disposable commodities that are more cost-effective to replace than repair.

Unfortunately, this same attitude has transferred over to many other areas of lives, particularly relationships. If a relationship no longer works for us, we’re quick to throw it away and look for another one to replace it. In describing the generational attitude of her parents who recently celebrated their 35th anniversary, an acquaintance said “they are of a generation that when something broke, they fixed it instead of throwing it away.” She was specifically talking about their view on relationships, not possessions.

It got me thinking about the value we place on relationships at work. When a relationship needs repairing in the workplace, what’s your instinct? Do you try to fix it or just throw it away?

Relationships have an inherent value that goes beyond the surface-level, transactional nature of workplace interactions, and each exchange you have with a co-worker is an opportunity to enrich or degrade the relationship. My friend Jon Mertz recently wrote a blog article about the importance of understanding the type of “wake” you leave behind in your interactions with others. People interested in building high-trust relationships understand the importance of leaving behind a wake of integrity, sincerity, and authenticity in their associations with colleagues.

When it comes to repairing a broken relationship, if it’s important to you, you’ll find a way. If not, you’ll find an excuse.

Granted, it takes two people to be in relationship, and if one party isn’t willing to fix what’s broken, it may not be possible to fully repair it. However, the only thing that each of us ultimately controls is our own actions. Leading with trust means reaching for the greater good that exists within us, placing a premium value on our relationships, and making the effort to repair what’s broken rather than throwing it away. Relationships aren’t easily replaced.

8 Comments

Posted on May 13, 2012 by Randy Conley

Ethics, Forgiveness, Integrity, Leadership, Relationships, Repairing Trust, Values

The Incredible “Sulk” – Four Ways to Overcome Envy in the Workplace

The Incredible Hulk, one of the Marvel Comics superheros featured in the recently released film The Avengers, is a raging beast capable of great fury and destruction. Whenever the mild-mannered Dr. Bruce Banner experiences certain negative emotions like fear, anger, or terror, he succumbs to those feelings and transforms into the Hulk, leaving a wake of destruction in his path.

Envy has the same potential for damage in the workplace by transforming you into The Incredible “Sulk” – someone with a sullen, silent, inwardly focused negative self energy that wreaks havoc on yourself and others. Envy is a feeling of discontent or covetousness a person feels in regards to another person’s success, advantages, or possessions, and causes you to sulk, feel sorry for yourself, and make you downright miserable. If left unchecked, envy creates resentment toward others, leads to fractured relationships, and causes low morale and a loss of productivity in a team environment.

I coach others, and have personally used, the following strategies to overcome envy in the workplace:

Don’t play the comparison game—The number one way to make yourself miserable with envy is to compare yourself to other people. There will always be someone who appears to have it better than you, whether it’s that recent promotion, title, new office, or cool new project at work. In addition to not rightfully acknowledging the successes or achievements of others, when you compare yourself to others you’re actually denying or discounting all the wonderful gifts, talents, and abilities you bring to the table. Focus on “blooming where you’re planted” and don’t waste energy by obsessing about what other people are doing.
Count your blessings—I have a magnet on my refrigerator that says “Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have.” Envy robs us of happiness because we get focused on what we don’t have, and that negative emotion leads to a downward spiral in our thinking. I’ve found it helpful to periodically make a list of all the things I’m grateful for in life because it’s an eye-opening experience to realize how good I’ve got it. Cultivating an attitude of gratitude through prayer, meditation, or other spiritual practices is also helpful in combatting envy.
Avoid gossip—Gossip is the conduit for envy to poison a whole team. Human nature tends to gravitate toward the negative anyway, and gossip is an easy way for people to seek solace and comfort from others. Rather than being cathartic and healing, gossip is divisive and destructive and it doesn’t do anyone any good to talk about people behind their backs. We’d all be better off if we remembered and practiced some of the first words of wisdom from our parents: If you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.
Focus on personal growth—When feelings of envy start to crop up, it’s a perfect time for self-examination. Ask yourself why you’re feeling envious and don’t stop at the first answer; keep asking “why?” For example, suppose I’m feeling envious of my neighbors because they have an RV Camper and I don’t. Why am I feeling that way? Because I wish I could go on camping trips like they do. Why do I wish I could go on camping trips? Because I want to nurture and deepen family relationships. Why do I want to do that? I want my children to have great experiences and memories of their childhood. Ok, so that’s a great reason…now what I can I do to accomplish that? Maybe I can’t financially afford an RV, but I can certainly do other things to accomplish my goal of creating family memories. I’ve taken the negative emotion of envy that had the potential to damage the relationship with my neighbors and turned it into a positive step in my own personal growth.

Envy is an incredibly destructive force that leads to personal unhappiness and negativity within a team. Taking a positive, proactive approach to identifying and rooting out envy will help you lead a more satisfied and productive life at work and keep you from turning into The Incredible Sulk.

Have you dealt with envy in the workplace? What did you do? Feel free to share your experiences and comments.

6 Comments

Posted on May 6, 2012 by Randy Conley

Envy, Integrity, Leadership, Relationships, Trust Busters, Values

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